It's taken me many years to understand myself well enough to know what I need to do.
To rest. To work.
To love. To be loved.
To create. To admire.
To set boundaries. To make some efforts at discipline.
To make friends. To be be alone.
In the past year, I've had refreshing moments of learning and lots of moments where I'm pouring everything I have and know into doing my work and rest. I've sought to have constructive outlets-- to journal, confide in my spiritual director, lean on my friends, inform my intercessors, to blog and write, to preach and teach, and occasionally just trying to get a good joke in there somewhere.
But the outputs felt forced, like I was lacking in inspiration. Things weren't flowing like they needed to. It wasn't until this past week, as I've set up a phone upgrade I was able to cash in on to play podcasts I've missed--thoughtful things by friends in higher education, ministry, and other scenarios-- that I was able to realize that I was lacking serious, regular input in multiple directions. Reading actually is more exciting when I know I'm getting content in other ways (like podcasts). And on the 15th of this month, I'll benefit from some assessment and coaching (MCore). My outputs are already improving.
Funny thing....for someone who loves extremes in so many ways, and can't stand boring stasis, God's created me to be someone that thrives best in the midst of stability and routine. It's a fun paradox, but I love getting to explore it as I seek God.